I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
