It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
