Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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