According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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