I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
