nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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