Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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