omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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