I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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