a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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