Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The air taste purple.
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