You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I look better un-naked...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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