first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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