You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
the liver wants what the liver wants
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
