Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
