Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
