how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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