omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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