PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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