Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How external is "for external use only"?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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