Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
