So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
