went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
