Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
