im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
