I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
