My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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