When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
