I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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