Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
