My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
