Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
