I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
