WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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