it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
