I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
