Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
