My room smells like vodka and shame
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize