I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My feet surprised me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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