Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
