I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
