things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
