Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
