i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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