I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
