Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
