he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We had to coat check the pizza.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize