oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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