I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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