He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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