ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
