turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
