Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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