I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
