david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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