Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
