so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
