If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
