so explain again why im purple
no
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
