How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
