She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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