You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
