mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
