burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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