Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
