Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
