Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
