Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
