somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
