im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
