I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
