Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
