You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
