If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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