I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
