I faked an abortion last night.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
