Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
