the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
