So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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