i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
